This Diary is all about my personal practice of the Ashtanga Yoga. Practice, practice, practice and it all comes. I want to know what comes after, the only way to discover it, is by having a regular practice.
As of April 10th, 2016 I have decided to dedicate my asana practice to the Primary Series of the Ashtanga. Here are my insights, my up and down, my best and worst. - Namaste -
This morning while practicing I was grateful to my body.
Thankful to all of my injuries.
Grateful to the pain.
Because my body talked to me. Actually my body is talking to me since I was born but I never ever took time to listen to it.
Was too busy trying to resolve the mess in my brain, complaining about others when I was not happy, reporting my frustration on others, blaming the all world for my unhappiness, comforting myself in my misery.
This year has been really challenging for me. That is the very first time in my all life that I commit myself in to something.
I thought that I had experience while I did not.
I thought that I was really good while I was not.
I thought that I was most of the time right, while it is not true.
On the top of it I thought that I was really happy while it was not the case.
I was missing something maybe someone but I was not complete.
At the end of the journey last October I went back home and stayed with my parents. Then something happened, I did not want to leave the place I always wanted to escape!
I slept upstair with my mother, something that I haven't done since my teenage, and I was very happy about it, reconnected myself to my childhood.
I spoke with my sister after almost 7 years of no talk at all. It was really unexpected.
I also took the decision to move forward from a safe place to an unknown destination.
This process has been a slow process and my body talked to me during the whole procedure.
It starts in Ubud with Iain Grysak when I realised that I was not applying and practicing the Yama and Niyama in my practice, I realised that I had absolutely no relationship with myself neither with my practice. I felt sick....
In Sweden on March I pretty badly injured myself, thorn ligament around the site bone, bruise, blood, could not walk for one day, could not even cross my legs, could not sit, pain all the time, all day long, can not practice any forward fold.
On June with Mark Robberds, could not even have a normal practice because of my injury, had to rethink everything, started a new chapter "Yoga is not a competition, listen to your body"....
Then slowly everything took place, the process is not completely finished but since I am practicing with Sarawasti my practice is almost perfect. So far I had only one day that was actually awful and it was the day after the full moon..... and also I had a lot of disturbance the day before..
This morning I realised that all my injuries came for a reason, it was a necessary step to understand how to practice and how to listen to my body. How to listen and connect with my mind, with myself.
In fact getting older is beneficial.
I have decided to stop dying my hairs and now I am discovering how much white hairs I am having! At the beginning I was "Nooooooooo"..... but now I found it charming, this is me, the real me, without any mask.
This morning it was a Led class with Sarawatiji.
This morning I learned what "Dedication" is.
I usually do not like the Led Class but lately I started to really enjoyed all of them and specially led classes from Sarawasti. Her vinyasa counting is not too fast, not too slow, to me it is perfection. I just put myself in autopilot mode and follow all instructions without even thinking.
I am 200% focus on her voice, not looking around at all, my mat is my world, my space in which I am moving and only her voice tone makes my arms rising up and body folding front.
I stayed in Chaturanga Dandasasana for all chatwari even when some students are not there and that the chatwari become a very long one.
I am not in a race competition but as Usha used to say I am completely surrendering to the practice.
This morning Sarawasti counted twice the left leg for Supta Padanghustasana and everyone followed without a flinch. Dedication.
The practice can not come without any dedication.
Dedication to a "guru" why not? If this word does not suit you then start the dedication toward yourself.
This morning on my way to the Shala I was thinking about my life. My birthday is in December, each year I am having a "down moment" but this time it is different. This time I feel the urge of myself realisation.
When Sarawasthi came in the shala my mind was so up and down, unstable and going everywhere that I thought the practice will be like hell. I was not in the mood for Yoga.....
After the 3rd Sun Salutation I was there, completely in the moment, not thinking about myself and my personal ego.
At the end of the class she did chante a pretty long shloka, she wanted us to repeat after her but for most of us it was not possible to catch the words.
She told us "you should sing, singing is good for you, for your brain, for your practice, for yourself", she was smiling and she continues her chanting.
It was nice, a very sensitive moment, I wished I could have sing but I could not understand a word of it so I did not want to repeat anything.
I am recollecting myself, this year I am moving forward. Leaving something that I know for the unknown; it is exciting and also very scary but if I don't try I will never know exactly where I belong.
The progress I have seen in my Ashtanga practice are the same I want to happen in my daily life. If I am able to pass Supta Kurmasana that means that there is no obstacle that I can not conquer. The wall is only in my head, I never noticed that I was free....