|Suppression - Osho|
Friday, 3 February 2017
Day 6 - Half Led Practice
The 6.30 AM group is for the students who practice the full primary series. The 8.30 AM is for others students, like me...
I was not pissed off neither angry, I thought so, but I was frustrated.
Even though I tried not to think about it "I am in the second group, I am in the second group"..... somehow deep inside of me my monkey was punching my ego.... then I started getting pissed off and I got pissed off because I was starting getting pissed off.... like a dog running behind his own tail.
Some counting were very slow while other were fast.
Marichyasana C for example was extremely slow because Iain was helping a student and I showed an attitude..... same for Marichyasana D.
Then from here practice stops and going directly to backbend. I was mad.....
Sarvangasana calmed me down..... the counting was until 20 breaths!!!! 20 breaths in Sarvangasana..... my teeshirt was slippery but manageable for 10 breaths then wtf???? after 10, comes 11, 12.... then reaching the 15 count it was very clear that it was not the end, so I bend my legs and waited for Halasana.
I flattered my ego by staying perfectly still, motionless and calm in Shirshasana, same for half Shirshasana and Utpluthih gratified me.
Could not relaxe at all in Shavasana......
What is happening to me? Why my ego is showing off, am I repressing it and then suddenly like a volcano it is erupting from my deep inside? How can I manage it? I did not know that I had such ego problem, what is wrong with me???
The practice is not only at the physical level, right now I am digging inside of me......
Work & progress.